we shall overcome…..

I was all set to write my blog.Peacefully with out any interruptions,in my bedroom,on a green bed sheet with the windows open and the nice Bangalore weather for company. However,it was tossed out of tossed out of those very niche French windows.V and Aku barged in and started their verbal war.

There is always this thing that goes in my mind.
“am i being able to connect both of them?”
“is aku able to find that father figure in V?”
“is V being the right,good father?”.
“Am i overreacting to situations and taking up Aku’s side?” and much more.

Then I tell my mind “relax,alex,all is well”.I tend to get a little protective about aku,more than anyone i guess.He is my love and there is no way i can close that door of over protectiveness about him,even with the new baby around. I was so paranoid,that i would get up in the middle of the night and think “what if someone takes him away?”.”what if he misses his bus and does not know how to get back to school?” and much more.

I have overcome most of it.However,i am still not convinced about way I let V handle him.I know I am too hard on V and i hope that someday,i will be able to overcome it.

“God please let me overcome it”!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Morning

Good Morning,

I have been up from 4 am in the morning and watching movies,feeding my 5 month old,making coffee for my hubby who just got back from work.I am not tired and I am in a very good mood(hope it remains till the end of today).

Been wanting to write a book for the past 6 years.Yes,6 years is a long time to think and a long time to gather material.you would have thought that I did.However,I have no even picked up a twig yet and have no clue where to start.All I know is I want to write books and not the ones that preach or tell you to get up and move on.I want to write something that is familiar and something that i have lived through.I tried one day to write a fantasy book,even picked up names like “namerain”(name of the lead character).however,after 2 paragraphs,I left the page and wandered into the kitchen to make pasta.

Why is there a need for me to write a book? why is there a need for me make a living out of writing?I don’t know the answer to that questions as yet.All I know is that I derive a sense of pleasure out of penning those words or more like typing those letters on the keyboard and listening to that sound of the letters being typed or looking at each and every letter form a word.

I thought writing can be done by starting to write articles on the web,you know the SEO or writing about a razer that is so important that you end up writing about all the things a razor could do!I took up umpteen assignments on the same and then realized that I HATE THEM.The guys who gave me those assignments called like 10 times asking me for the finished work and i had o make some excuse.Reason – I never did go beyond one para.I hated what it made me feel like.It felt like I was writing for someone else(which I was).

So, I gave up and did not write at all.In fact there was nothing to write about.I mean there is always something to write about.However, I did not have the patience to write.then again I read this someones thoughts on writing and it somehow made an impact on me.

You know how they say everything happens for a reason and the reason for me to stay up and read this was for a reason.I think it was to tell me,that you cannot be hard on you and you cannot expect yourself to write unless you know and believe in what you are writing( I used the word writing like a zillion times here).

There is always a point in life where you journey begins.There is always a reason to start something.Sometimes you know the reason and sometimes you do not.Don’t pause ans think and ask yourself.Just go with the flow and the reason will come and tell you “deethi,this is the reason why you are here”.I am no more going to wait for a moment or time to start writing.I will write when I feel happy,sad,gay, disappointed and many more moods.I will write when I want to be hear by myself and i will write for my happiness!

P.S – also when my 5 month old and my 7-year-old,tell me mama “we love you” and when my V tell me “i love you”