Enough Already

You live in a house,call it home and settle down.You decorate it,fill it with love,hope and joy.It is a place that is for you and your family and friends.But,what will you do when someone walks in,breaks your home and says “this is not your home,it is mine”.I will probably kill that person or break their bones one by one at a time.

This is what is happening to Andhra Pradesh,my state,our state.Home to millions of Teluguiets,Malyalees,Tamilians,Gujratis,Bengalis and many more.It has been more than 2 years and the unrest in the state is not coming down.

Schools have been effected,education is become a mere passe.Students do not know when they have to go to institutes.Even if they go,they are not sure if it is safe.They are not sure if they are from telangana or andhra or from a state that has been united for so long.

Workers are been forced to stay away from work.If they go against the agitators and work,they are called cheaters,anti telangana,anti andhra.My mother was verbally abused for going to work by them.What they did not know was, she is from Nalgonda,the main telangana region and she has to go to work to survive.A person who was throwing/pelting stones at the ladies who were walking out of the office or being forced to said this to my mother “are you not ashamed to work? why are not part of the agitation?” and my mother said “will you pay for my house,food and clothing and what is this anti thing? who are you to tell me what to do and where to live?”

I think her point is valid.A cousin of mine came home the other day and said “i hate the andhra students in my class,they are so down”.I was so surprised.While I was in college there was no such divide.It was either R.T.C colony or sainikpuri or vanastalipuram divide! It was never about our state.

I am a common woman,who wants things to be restored in A.P.There might be truth in what you are fighting for or there might not be any truth at all.But,who are you to make the common man suffer?Will you give the students their lost valid hours at school back?Do you know how important education is?what is the point of pointing fingers towards another country and calling them enemy.When you are pointing fingers at your own people and making them your sworn enemy “making them” I said.

I am pissed off,angry and hurt that this is happening in a state that was called one of the best states to live in a decade ago.It is the I.T hub and has the prestigious I.B.S or the BITS.Now,it is even scary to think of going there.My cousin has been planning to celebrate her daughters first birthday at Hyderabad this month.She has pre poned her trip and is having a small gathering at home rather than the earlier plan of going to an ashram.Thanks agitators for making us feel this way.

and if someone asks or tells me,this is what we have to do,we have to sacrifice enough to get something for our brothers and sisters.Please don’t sacrifice already.Potti Sriramulu did that once and that is how we have a state that we call “ANDHRA PRADESH”.

i have regrets.

I am in a very dull,depressed and “I dont care what you think” mood.So,Should I try and lighten it up a little and feel the blues with some nice jazz music?

Well,lets me talk to myself about this daunting question I have.Would I have asked God (if given a choice ) to end up somewhere else?Like in france in a rich up my A*&# life or in dharavi in a small home with no roof and just one blanket to share or no blanket and food for years together?

God what a wise cheeky person you are.There is no choice that you give to us.You make descions and then say “go figure”.There is this common question asked “do you have any regrets?”,well most of the ones I heard say “no,i don’t”.Me used to fall in that catogery for a long time.But,now,as I am in the 32 years of journey and in a life like rajdhani express,where you dont know when the AC would be on or of that days food will be good.I am sure and know that I have few regrets.Am i happy with the choices that I made…hmmmmm,not entirely.

I am happy for the madre,padre and husband and kids.Thank GOD,I had the choice here a littel bit.But,overall,if the person up there would give me a wand,I would definetly changed few things in the past like…

1.Bunking college way to often
lost out on many friends due to that

2.listening to madre or taking her advice in edcation
missed out on being an antrhopologits or a criminal lawyer

3.trusting few idoits who call themselves friends
missed out on the ones who really were

4.not saving enough for rainy day
still waiting to save for that car

so ,if i were given a choice to live my life again I would and make a path that leads to vinod and few others and then live happily ever after.

Don’t KILL yourself

Second page of TOI bangalore “IIM – B girl commits suicide” this is after her boyfriend dumped her and changed updated his status message to “feeling super cool today,dumped my new ex-girl friend.happy independence day”.

A website said that estimated 100000 commit suicide in India every year and it contributes to 10% among the world numbers.It is a sad and terrible way to end life,killing oneself.I was talking to S on the phone and she was saying that when most of us hear something like that we say “what a dumb girl” or “who gave her the right to kill herself” and so on.I think it is valid,Agree most of us say this and think “why did that girl end her life this way?”.

I was disturbed by the news,because it was an end to a beautiful life.Is there a way of prevention? Yes there are a number of websites and help lines available today.They have counseling sessions not only for the person who wants to.But,also for the parents,family and friends around.They help you deal with it and not make you adjust with life.Rather they make you accept life with a new look and a positive go ahead.

Many of the young ones today or even the older generation are facing pressure in ever aspect of life.
>good marks
>great job
>study pressure
>love failure
>parents pressure
>spouse pressure
>failure in life

The above are few such points that i think where people end up killing themselves.These things can be resolved with proper understanding and care.If you know someone like this and cannot help then in your own way.Look for professional help and take them there.Trust me you will thank yourself for making and taking this decision.

My mother always says that no child is born dumb or smart or intelligent.She says that all of us are born with the same brain that helps us survive in this world.So,it is up to the parents and the society to nurture that brain and turn in into a “beautiful mind”.If you heart is broken it too can be mended,it may not be the same ever.But,with proper guidance it will turn that hurt into a lesson learnt for good!

My silent prayer for

Malini Murmu
23 years

you are missed

when you say “I understand” it does not really put you in the other persons shoes.it is going to be 7 years since my brother passed away and I cannot come to tell my parents that I understand,you see I never lost a son.I know how it feels to be without a brother though and I know how it feels to cry and think of those crazy moments.But,when this ganesh chaturthi mom called and said “dad was crying in the morning,he was missing him” I had to tell them that he knows that and he is always looking down and them and smiling.The truth is I am not sure,I am not sure if he really is looking down.Looking at that mother who misses him every second or at the father who is no longer the same.

sitting here so far from them and talking to them on the phone and hearing those muted,choked voices is something that I have to live with.I know that they say you have to move on or he is there for you or you have to look life with a new perceptive.however,those are not going to happen.It is like when you cut yourself and then go stitch it up.the scar is always there,even if you go to a plastic surgeon and get it all decked up,you know when you touch that part,it will always remind you of that day you got hurt.

my parents have been through so much in life and just when everything was looking beautiful, they fell deep down with him going away to a place where there is no return.sometimes I look at my younger one and see my brother in him,the way he walks,smiles or even the mischief is just like VI.could that be him all over again? I don’t know,but if it is then I am happy to be with my brother again.

I wish to make every moment precious with every person I know and even if I hold a grudge with someone,I promise to make it up and i have been trying to do it.It never should be “wish he/she was around”.it will always be “i did everything i can with that person and made them happy”.

amma and nana are the most loved people in the world and all that happiness is filling the space he left behind.but,that little moment in the night or in the kitchen is filled with silence in memories of a wonderful son,brother,friend and a man

SEPT 15th 1977 – OCT 15th 2004

Not my Problem

What is it with “it is a problem between husband a wife and we are not supposed to interfere”

The newspapers here have been reporting the tiff between and film star and his wife and a ban on the actress who supposedly caused the whole rift.So the Industry promptly bans the actress and then goes to the star and empathizes with him.Let me tell you that the star in question was someone who beat his wife,tore her clothes and threatened her at gun point.He also tried to throw his nine month old from a bridge or a building once and here we have people forgetting this and saying “it is a personal issue,so let them solve it”.Really?.The wife who is the victim went to withdraw the FIR and told the cops that she slipped and fell in the bathroom.Now,tell me if these are the stories in Film land,then there is no point of writers and drama.All you have to do is go to some house,sit with popcorn and enjoy the show and then if the star kills the wife in real life,say”it is their personal problem you see”.

Let me tell you it is not easy to get out of a physical relationship that easily and if you do get out,it takes ages to recover mentally.But,the point is get out.Many times the lawyer tells the husband and wife to compromise and get back to normal.So,it is ok that after 6 months of normalcy the person gets targeted and beaten again? and then come the elders of the family and also the ones who think they are doing their best in keeping the scarcity of marriage alive and making themselves the self made gyan gurus.

Is it ok for a man or a women to go through torture in a marriage? Isn’t the word marriage supposed to be a harmony between two people and not something that otherwise.How many have us heard stories about friends mothers beating beaten and fathers being taken to court for no fault of theirs?Yes,my point here is why does not one come to rescue in a domestic abuse problem? Why does everyone say that it is between wife and husband?What would happen to you when the same abuse starts at your house?

I saw a tamil move recently called Eeram.The husband kills the wife and then she comes back to take revenge.Now,she kills this lady,her neighbor.You know why? when she was alive the husband was doubting thomas and comes to this neighbor to check if his wife was sleeping with anyone or was any man coming to visit his wife.The lady in questions says yes and says that there is a man who comes to visit your wife everyday.Now,the husband goes back and promptly kills the wife.Tell me this, even if it was a man coming to visit her,could that man not be a father,brother or a friend and what business does this lady have to tell him in a very “i am pure,your wife is not”way about some harry? In fact she should tell him to stop doubting his wife or he would have to live life without balls.

Please pray the the future generation has the guts and the sense to get out of abusive relationship and the ones who are living in it should not call themselves victims.But,get out and call the psycho who was abusing them a victim of low self esteem!Please,if your a victim,ask for help from anyone and trust yourself to believe that you are the best and no one is superior to you.

i used to have one

i am hard pressed on thoughts,i thought i had a mind full of things to write,talk about and ponder over.But,the recent past has shown me that my mind is nothing but someone who loves to sprawl and drink and do nothing the whole day.Dont get me wrong,i work from 6.30 am to the time i hit bed.
I make breafast,pack lunch,look for that dam earser and sharpner and pencil and look for what to pack for the interval for my elder son.then make another round of breakfast,feed,clean potty,give bath and entertain my younger one.The middle one (no i am not a mother of 3,this is V) get up at afternoon,has luch,plays with younger one,watchesT.V,gets dressed and goes to work.
Now i on the other hand have to keep up with the routine all over in the night.
So,those cells that used to be active and the ones that used to tell me to write epics and go out learning the art of how to look like a million bucks intellectually have gone away and I am left with one cell that says “oh,come on give yourself a break and chill dude,chill”