when you say “I understand” it does not really put you in the other persons shoes.it is going to be 7 years since my brother passed away and I cannot come to tell my parents that I understand,you see I never lost a son.I know how it feels to be without a brother though and I know how it feels to cry and think of those crazy moments.But,when this ganesh chaturthi mom called and said “dad was crying in the morning,he was missing him” I had to tell them that he knows that and he is always looking down and them and smiling.The truth is I am not sure,I am not sure if he really is looking down.Looking at that mother who misses him every second or at the father who is no longer the same.
sitting here so far from them and talking to them on the phone and hearing those muted,choked voices is something that I have to live with.I know that they say you have to move on or he is there for you or you have to look life with a new perceptive.however,those are not going to happen.It is like when you cut yourself and then go stitch it up.the scar is always there,even if you go to a plastic surgeon and get it all decked up,you know when you touch that part,it will always remind you of that day you got hurt.
my parents have been through so much in life and just when everything was looking beautiful, they fell deep down with him going away to a place where there is no return.sometimes I look at my younger one and see my brother in him,the way he walks,smiles or even the mischief is just like VI.could that be him all over again? I don’t know,but if it is then I am happy to be with my brother again.
I wish to make every moment precious with every person I know and even if I hold a grudge with someone,I promise to make it up and i have been trying to do it.It never should be “wish he/she was around”.it will always be “i did everything i can with that person and made them happy”.
amma and nana are the most loved people in the world and all that happiness is filling the space he left behind.but,that little moment in the night or in the kitchen is filled with silence in memories of a wonderful son,brother,friend and a man
SETHU VIJAY TANIKELLA
SEPT 15th 1977 – OCT 15th 2004