discover and stop and discover

Many years ago when a class teacher asked me what I wanted to do? when I grew up, I told her I wanted to be everything. She said there is nothing called everything and then I said, I will be a hindi teacher.that answer satisfied her and the others around her.

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Today – I am not a hindi teacher, but I am everything other than that! I am mother,wife,daughter and many roles in the family. I am friend and that someone to lend a shoulder or arm or water when you laughing out loud or need a break. I am a budding entrepreneur, visual artist, jewelry maker, blogger,dream teller,Reiki practitioner,Tarot Card reader and more. I am not famous all around the world, i am famous in my home and and in my heart.

There is never a stop in your life, there is always a comma which is followed by a stop when you want to. Why should we stick to one and limit our selves? Let us explore ourselves and learn as many things as we can. I was a call center agent, then a trainer, then a business analyst , then an AD, then a home maker, then an actor,then a writer and then a few more. It gives me pride and pleasure that there are so many things I learned  I might not be an expert in all, but i did what my heart told me and i am happy. Yes, once in a while self praise does not hurt. it makes us swell with pride and makes us look for more beautiful things,adventurous paths and roads that have been never crossed.

Personally there a few people who shared this journey with me and one day i will find the ones who are missing and thank them and the ones who are still with me are my inspirations to live and love life.

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you are empowered and you should know that.

There are times that I wonder, if the mindset of humans towards women has been like this right from the beginning? or was it just over the last 100 years or so?

Trust me there is a strong reason for me to  say or think so. See, I live in a community and it is filled with women and men and children. However what I get to hear and see is mostly the lives of women who live in it. For me, as an individual the bias system seems so passe! See, there was never a time or place that I was made to feel like I was a burden or a robot who has to listen to people tell me how to dress? what to eat? how to sleep? what to read? and thanks to my upbringing I never thought that I was weak or some random gender.

But, I realized that the world i was living in is not the same as outside. So, there is a women who is asked to wear only a sari at her home and nothing else is good. She is someone who was never used to wearing one and now that is all she has to wear. It might seem too  small a reason to melt and get all angry. But, what is the point in someone being asked to do what you want and not what they want to do? the only time she does wear one, is when her in laws are out of town or family is out on a town trip. Really, you might call it adjustment,i call it stupidity. I mean look at it, just because she wears a sari does not make her a true Indian bahu, nor wearing a salwar will turn her into a modern monster.

Also, men beating women and abusing them is so common, even in a society like mine. I heard a women cry the other day and wanted to jump in a kick the hell out of the man. however, the talk is that she is ok with it. the reason – he does that only when drunk. wtf is that? why would you want your body to go through pain and live a life with him. would you not rather get out, stand on your feet and make something better of yourself. I know that all of us look for support system and need someone to say that we are there for you. but, how long does one have to wait for someone else to help you? if you do not help yourself, then no one can.

the world that  we live in is not a kind one, it is not safe either. however, that world is not something we choose personally, you and I were born into it. But the world that you and I create around us, is what keeps us sane and happy. So, am i thinking wrong or is it ok to face the shitty world where man can beat a women and a family can dictate what you wear and who you talk to?

there has to be a reason why it all goes wrong and sometimes the reason can be another person and not you. if you surround yourselves with a.holes then stop it now. for you are the most special person in this world and you need to be treated with respect. 

I am promise to be there for you and for many like you and there are shelters who can help you stand on your own two feet. I am hoping this is read by those who need courage to take that step and leave the distressed world behind them. who ever you are, there is help, please look for it or ask for it,scream for it and it will come.

If you feel you need time, then take one step at a time and then take that giant leap towards a better tomorrow.

Bucket List 2014

Today is the Day I make my Bucket List for year 2014 and see how many I can strike off by the year end.

1. Learn one new Indian Language
2. Adopt a Child
3. Learn How to Bake
4. Travel at least to one country in the world
5. Provide Shelter to Homeless
6. Learn How to ride a Bullet
7. Stage a Play
8. Stage a play with new actors

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9. Make someone super happy and remain anonymous
10.To strike off the above Bucket List.

My Memory Keeper and Teacher

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I remember a very few incidents from my childhood and teens. I have a clear glass view of everything that happened around from the age of 25 till now.So,when people say, that they remember the day or that year,I tend to loose focus. I know quiet a few friends of mine who remember their childhood like it was yesterday,there is a friend who remembers what she did when she was two!

Now, for me the reason me thinks i remember everything from 25 was aku, my little, now almost my height child. He came into my life at a point where everything before seemed not so important. It is after he came that i started to get to know the me better. Like I clearly remember the lady in the next bed,who had a child just minutes after i had given birth to aku. the day when I randomly stopped my car and stared at nothing in mardepally and many more. He made me look at me in a new way. It was like someone just arrived and held my hand and said “chalo,i am here”. 

When i look back at the days before,it is always like a fast forward movie,things happening,but nothing that brought”oh ii can call it a day” kind of joy. I learnt how to change a diaper,learnt how to cook the perfect dal with the right amount of salt and water and also learnt how to tell stories. Before that there was no one to tell me how creative I was. He made me realize that, like when he asked me to draw a cow, i drew a figure that had legs and hands and horns and wings, he named it the flying cow! I became a cartoonist. When he made me hold his hand and took me for a walk in the zoo saying “i have a secret” and showing me that he can make bubbles with his mouth, i became a keen observer and a keeper of secrets.

When he asks me “why do ants bite,when i did nothing wrong to make then my enemy?” I became an overnight Mycologist! Even today,he makes me learn about myself,more than I knew about me yesterday. Today he asked me “Why do we have to cut a cake on birthdays,why cannot we just say cake and be happy?” He made me search engineer, for i am still searching in my head for an answer.

He will be 10 next month, Let us see where he takes me and my ever so wondering mind.