regrets anyone

there are times when i wonder if I regret things that i did in the past? I keep comforting myself that it is ok to regret, I say or think, that if I did not do things my way, then I would not be here today. but then again, this thought crosses my mind, what if life had a different path for me and I choose not that but that one I thought was suitable?

did we ever wonder what would have happened if we would have taken the other route? i never used to wonder about that, up until now. these days i keep thinking about it all the time. today when i look back at my life, there are many things that i would have changed. I am no more the person who says ” i do not regret a single thing in my life”.  i regret about 10 years of my life. if i had to re live those 10 years, i would do everything different.

not that there was no one to tell me, there was my mother a living example on how to lead a life with dignity and pride and there were others. but, it did not matter to me at that time.so, these days i am making a list of things that i did wrong or did in a hurry and trying to get them right.

i hope by the time i am 45, i would have done half of those things and make myself and my conscience feel better.

P.S – this post is as confusing to read as my mind right now.

mother and child and the teacher called life

Being a mother is the toughest, the most satisfying role and a very emotional one. I often keep thinking what is the right way or parenting and what is the wrong. seeing my friends and family and seeing how they treat their kids has always been a fascination for me. this is the time I get to check and take away those precious lessons.

my elder son who is 10 now has taught me numerous times that being a parent is a learning experience. he is always adjusting to my needs and is someone who never demands too much of my time. however, my younger on (who is soon going to be the middle child) is very demanding. he needs me next to him 24/7 and is always on his toes. like last night, it took me 3 hours from 9 pm to 12 am to put him into bed.

from the elder one I learnt to be more relaxed and appreciate the life around me and from the younger one I learnt to be alert and also active, both in a way are the yin and yang energy in my life.

Kids teach us many things and when we try and pick up those signs, it works wonders. Like the younger one (lets call him YE) and the OE were watching T.V, they started to fight and the OE called the YE a bad boy. my YE immediately looked at his brother and said ” don’t call me bad boy,it is a bad word”. I was amazed at the four year old’s thought process. in a way and actually in every way what he said was correct. instead of calling him a bad boy, all the OE had to do was tell him that what he was doing was wrong and find way to set it right.

sometime ago while my YE was playing with his cousin, both of them got tired of each other and started to fight over toys. YE refused to share his toys with his cousin. I did not go near them as kids learn to deal with each other and sometimes it is better not to interfere. so someone looked at my YE and this someone is very close to him and said “if you do not share toys with your cousin, i will not talk to you”. my YE felt very sad and reluctantly shared his toys with his cousin. I did not like this and was not in a position to point out the mistake made by the elder. However, i did tell YE that he has to learn on how to share his things and sometimes it is OK not to and never ever listen to someone who makes you sad. It was difficult to explain to a 4 year old about emotional blackmail,I hope to soon very soon.

parenting is a choice that we made, when we first saw that positive line on the stick or when that blood test came positive. we made a choice to bring someone into this world and we need to make sure that give it our best.