Unburdening in a Dream.

Our kids and us were standing on the road, a bus came and stopped in front of us. There got down a family of 7 and a little girl with the face of an angel, the little girl was fascinated by the tire of the bus. She walked up to it and held on to it. The bus started moving and the girl was crushed under one of those tyres, just one circle and a life was lost. No one to be blamed, no one did this on purpose, not even the bus.

After a while, the five of us are travelling in our car, my husband was sitting behind me and had his feet up my seat. I tell him, “please remove your feet from my back, you are hurting me and causing me pain”. He does that and just then we see a huge mountain and then it turns into a valley. We see a river crisscrossing across the valley, flowers in bloom and we hear laughter.

Not the shrieking kind, but a soft laughter and then it becomes from one to two to three to ten. We look around us and I see we are surrounded by the little girl and her friends. They look like fairies, they look so radiant, that I start crying and that is when I hear someone say “forgive”. I turned around to see where the voice came from, my family was missing and the car,Β  after a while there was just silence…

I stood there on top of a hill and screamed as loud as I can “I forgive you, I forgive you, I……forgive myself too”.

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Shedding

Under the starlit sky, we sat together, many nights we spent in silence.

Nothing seemed awkward then, nothing seemed unrealistic, nothing seemed heavy.

Under the starlit sky, on a full moon night you and I spent time together in the same silence.

This time everything felt uneasy, everything felt down, everything felt heavy and my senses were drowning.

I know you do not have the time for me right now, I know you need your being first.

I know you are struggling with these emotions as I am.

We both are in the same path, walking towards the setting sun.

Hoping deeply that the moonlight takes away our pain and the cries are heard across the seas.

Once we walked hand in hand…

Today we walk a little apart….

Knowing deep inside, that this path will leads us to the same place…. to a new dawn.

A place where we two meet and bear our souls and become one.

 

Deethi

 

 

Amma is here :D

MOTHER/AMMA/AMME/MOM/MUMMY/AMMI – the most potent word in any language,the word can melt you down,make you shiver,make you do things that you never did,make you think and make you cry and make you love again with joy.

but here is what it is,when they come to visit us(yes,i means the mothers) they will not give you any notification(like the one that pops on you webpage).they will visit and go as they pleaseexcuseme.

the curry that they make will take away all your depression.but,the lecture that they will give you while you are eating that curry,will being in more :/.

yes,ya my mother is here πŸ˜€

1.She is the best-est of the best,she will make you wear the best,that means i need to get all my new clothes in and all the comfortable payjammies go puchuk into the old bin 😦

2.she will shop for me till i say “ENOUGH AYE AMME ENOUGH”.She will make sure i buy clothes,furniture,food that lasts at least 20 years πŸ™‚ 😦

3.she will make me healthy.She will sit in front of me while i am eating and say “you should get your stomach checked,looks like it is bloating too much” and then go “you want some more of that butter and potato kanna?”

4.she is my rock and my diamond,she teaches me how to live with men,”if some man teases you, or bullies you or misbehaves with you,cut of that cock” she says in plain words.

5.she will say “let us go for a walk child” then she will walk and stop at every junction and talk to her auntie friends and go “yes yes,my deethi is lovely,oh,you too noticed her chest,i bought one number less size bra for her” and smile and go :/ (really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

6.she will call my father and say “bring that prasadam we got for deethi when you coming” (she must have got is 6 months ago) when i protest she says “it is god’s,it will never go out of fashion”

7.she is my lioness,she protects her cubs with fierce and shrewd determination and loves us like a motherlovesherchild(duh).but,let’s us go out and test the waters and if it is hot,she will tell us only once we dip our hand in.

8.she wants me to buyahouse NOW,when i say “amme,my husbands salary is not that big”she says “take me to his boss i say” (i wish i Could,only once and then myhusbandssalary will go HIGH)

9.she loves to talk to me,when i am eating,sleeping,drinking,in the loo,in the loo again.

10.she tells me “i do not have another birth,this is my last,that is why god made me your mother” (go figure deethi,go figure)

what married people?

my husband and i are very lovely people and we love all those people who are lovely to us.But(yesthereisalwaysabut) when it comes to few things we are like most husbands and wives all over the globe! and here is why……

1.we wait to see who will get up first and if one does get up before the other, it is always “baby,i got up 2 hours ago”(even if i got up about half a second before him)
2.we try and argue for the most part of the day and sleep it off or and continue the next day.
3.i,me is never wrong and the other person(his or mine) ego is bigger than the big bang
4.we wait for the kids to hit the bed,so that we can crawl in the bed,get under covers and …..snore away.
5.and yes,we always agree in front of the kids,1 out of 100 times!
6.we try and make sure we save money every month and then spend it on the the same month and go…ayaaaaaa what to do now?
7.we want to take a break,go on a vacation (to kalasipalaya,to a seedy hotel with lots of noise and sleep for 16 hours)
8.we want our kids to grow today,tomorrow morning we want them to be 21 years old(what bliss that will be)
9.we have 2 soaps in the bathroom for bathing and the man always ends up using the wife’s soap and yes,sometimes the oh so expensive one lasts one week in his hands!
10.we will say the truth with courage,even if it is wrong and then look up for a lawyers number asap!

more are coming,you just wait ya!

my man

I remember the first time he held my hand,
remember the first time he kissed me.
it felt so real and that feeling was there for another day.

He was and is there with me today and for tomorrow and yes, yesterday,
I melt in his arms and that smile could kill me day after day.

My mind is at peace and every breath i take is like a song at night,
thinking he is around is all that takes for me to rest.

He is my husband,my soul mate,my guy,
the father of my kids and the friend in need.

He is there and that is why my parents never miss a beat,
he is there and that is why they keep going.

His mother,his father,his sister say he is for keeps,
one man in all those roles is what my man is.

Food and Memories

Have you ever closed your eyes and got that aroma of garlic or tamarind pulp that you used to get in that childhood kitchen of yours.Or that taste of certain samosa or chutney that still lingers on your palate.

I still remember that curry we ate on the Pune highway,the rich curry,mixed with hot rice and those tiny potatoes.Oh my mouth waters and i am just taken back to that night,in the dhaba and eating that delicious food.

I was talking to my chamak challo’s today and was telling them how it feels to go back to that grandmothers land. My bamma(fathers mother),has this thing for tomatoes,anything she makes has to have tomatoes in it…cabbage with tomato, potato with tomato,cauliflower with tomato,tomato with tomato.My mother does not like it a bit,she says “tomato is tomato,why mix it with other veggies and loose it’s great flavor”?.however my father got that or rather inherited that flavor and guess what happens at home :).Now,if you excuse me,i have to make fenu greek and tomato:P.

It is crazy how even our kitchen sometimes resembles our grand mothers or mothers.think of it,don’t you wash your milk packet before you cut open the cover? does not your salt always stay in tupper ware and has a small steel spoon in it? don’t you always make dal with the tadka like your mom did? i do almost everything like her…amma you are virtually ruling my kitchen πŸ˜€

Then again there is the famous podi’s or powders that are made in the kitchen.yesterday I made curry leaf podi and I so wanted it to smell and taste like amma’s.the whole experience took me back to my childhood and i had to immediately mix it with hot rice,ghee and eat it…slurp….

I so wish my elder one takes up cooking.he loves it and I am waiting to see that gleam in his eyes and that joy he gets when he licks the hell out of that tomato curry!

legacy

I was reading a book today and the thought that came to my mind “would this be well-preserved for my grandchildren?” I am 32 and grand kids are somewhere far.in fact my younger one is only 18 months and the elder 8.So,that thought was quite far stretched.However,i want my books,my little writings,to be there forever.imagine someone picks up the book after 50 years and goes “wow,my old woman sure had taste of i got that reading skills definitely from her.”

My grandparents left legacies that are unique in their own way..i don’t remember having a proper conversation with my dad’s father.however,my amma’s father left behind a huge legacy.he taught us how to be good to others and also how to be brute when required.he never owned anyone anything and if he did,he did not sleep till he returned that thing or favor.

but,the fascinating women are my grandmothers,my bamma(dad’s mom) is a very polished lady.she was born in a very poor family.however,had big dreams and she waited patiently for them to come true and they did.she groomed her sons to become what they want and not what she wanted them to be.but,the poverty is far behind her now and she lives like a queen.she is the best person for P.R anywhere.where ever she goes she carries a black book with the numbers of friends in that area.she is 83 today and she has more than 60 friends who are there to wish her.she loves attention and is not shy of it.she makes sure that she is well taken care of and the legacy that she would leave is ,no matter what your status in the world is,live like you are a born queen and live it up til the end.

my ammaamma(mom’s mom) is a women who has been protected from birth till now.she lived under her grandmothers eye for most of her teens and then got married.my grandpa got everything for her.right from the flowers in her hair to the chappal for her feet.she misses him so much,he made sure there was no dearth of anything around her.he also made her cripple that way and she never got to do anything for herself.she is also 83.but,zero friends and seven kids later she is living a silent life and i really don’t know what she thinks sitting in that rocking chair,she answers to my questions in one word and stared at the wall.maybe she sees her past there and maybe that past was wonderful than her present.but what i learnt from her is that you need to be independent and you need to love life and not live it regretting the past.

as for my grand kids,i will write a letter to them tomorrow or soon and tell them what i was like.i want them to be proud of me and i want to leave a legacy behind…one that speaks for itself and the one which is filled with adventure,love,lust,life,hate,sorrow and much more.something that comes natural to me is writing and i will write for the future generation and wait for them to open that chest filled with another world!