When i think i can(nnot) !

I have never been a person who stayed at home for longer.I thought that I was made to travel the world and see things and do things.Even when i was 8 years old,I walked all the way to ratnadeep in my area and asked them if they needed an entertainer( the owner promptly called my parents and i was whisked back home.)

So today after 30 years and 6 months i am back to square one and staying at home.I tried my hand in various things,from being a call center agent,to a trainer to a business analyst to a writer to a theatre artist and an assistant director.I even tried my hand at hosting a talk show(the producer cut that show and put it in the cupboard)

Now I am a home maker,I sit and home and think what did my gran or my aunts do at home?.I mean my granny sat at home for about 84 years.She never once ventured out on her own and she is still at home.She is quite content with that lifestyle and here I am getting bored out of my mind.I want to do many things,create stories and whip up some great plays or movies.I want to start a Anadanam project and give free food to anyone everyday.I want to write a book in Telugu and also one in English.I want to make movies like Jandhyala and write like Tikkana or our very own Pothana or Gurujada.

The thing I realised is that I am a bit of a Procrastination freak.I keep thinking what should happen today can take a break and happen tomorrow.Is that now plain rubbish?

I know of a lady who worked for my mom,i used to tell her to get rid of her mundane job of working in houses as a maid and start something on her own.Boy she did! she now owns a small vegetable cart and also a shed near my home and tells me” amma thanks to you,i have this”. I tell her it is her hard work.

Why am I blogging this to tell myself that “lazy ass get up and get things moving”.You need not earn a lot now,however you will be satisfied and make yourself happy!


One Family to Another

I am sitting in our hall writing this blog post and V is playing what he calls soothing Music!(Progressive house).That too him is smoothing and living with him for 6 months i am kinda getting used to the idea of listening to this.

We share the space with a newly bought Lamp(red color),a couch and a diwan.I love the feeling of home.When I used to visit my friends house over weekends( this was long before I met V),I was tempted to ask her to find me a guy who was opposite to me and lived with me and my ranting.She could not find me a guy,However she did find me a room in her house that was called mine.

The reason for this blog is vary personal,I grew up in a neighborhood,which is crowded with my joint family.not that I mind it.However,sometimes when all you want is to just stare at space and just listen to classic rock. That in my case was very hard.If i was singing aloud my pinni or atha would walk in and ask me if i was loosing it.See for them sitting alone was never done.Even when i am in the loo,i get asked random things like “D,where is that yellow plate or that green dabba filled with bindis”.

So I yearned for that personal or private space all my life.Then I moved to other city and i loved the initial days of no one to bother me around.sitting Lazy on a Sunday afternoon,sipping beer and listening to music and reading a book. I did enjoy the phase of no one asking me what I was doing or what I was thinking.However i did miss the chitter chatter of my pinnis,random advice by my mamaya’s and also my sweet ammama’s pulihora.So I got back o a city close by and started travelling home on weekends.

Now that I am back here for good,I am also going to be a part of another Family soon.i am getting Married in 15 days from today.i will miss the Tanikella and Chilukuri clan and their nuisances.However the god part is that Chandramouli clan is much louder and mixing them my clan is going to be a Party for Life and yes a few adjustment here and there never bothered anyone.

Freedom,It is a sweet and sour recipe for life!

*photo courtesy – google

When the time is right and the right place is chosen,I somehow end up in another place and at the wrong time.I wondered if it could be a case of absent mind or even a case of time travel.Then it hit me, I never want to be in the right time at the right place.I want to be at any place i want at any time of the day or night.

That is how it has been for a few years now,millions of opportunities came into the door.they knocked and said “deepthi,it is time for you to join us and be happy and successful”.I said “yes,yes i am eager to please you”.did manage to please them for a bit,then thought “what the f**k I am i doing here”,ran for life.Happy that I ran away from the bonds of “I want your ideas,however I want them to be matched with mine”.

In the office when i used to work in corporate land,projects were taken and then my manager would walk up to me and say “here is the project,these are the rules,these are the statistic”.”what you have to do is work as free as you can,however do not cross the line”. err,sorry,then what does “free” mean?.Is it not something that you can do on your own without rules and regulations?.

Then I ventured into films,my first film was great.The director went through the same emotions as I did and said “you guys,listen to me,do whatever yo feel like,want to change the script do it”.but,make sure we all agree and have fun.It worked,the team was constantly motivated,new ideas were absorbed and if they were not then no problem,cause other ideas were as fresh as mine.

My second film was lie working in a slave driven rut.No one questioned the authority or the first AD.She was there to do whatever she felt and we all knew that she was messing up.However,we did try and make our point,but those were never taken to the director and I realised that I was the only one who was having a problem with this attitude.The rest seem to go with the flow.that is when i realised that it is dam tough to find like minded people to work with.

That is when I wrote a play,directed it and voila,everything fell in place.From the actors to the sponsors to the stage.See,my theory worked,like minded bring in a great rapport and you never feel like you working alone.

Then I said yes to another movie,now here me and the person who the idea belonged to got along like house on fire.At the end,however he had to get his people who started to add their 2 cents to the story and messed it up.I knew that the director was in favor to the friend and could not mess it up for them.So,I slowly moved aside and hope they understood and let the friend take the credit.

I know that it is tough and a torrid job to do what you want.But,it makes you happy and content and that smile that you smile for yourself is just amazing.I want to be that person.you might want to call me selfish,self absorbed and all that jazz.I am happy that i am myself and I know that those people like me are somewhere around to make a movie that breaks all barriers and frontiers and makes you laugh till your tummy tickles.

The Case Study of Ex’s

Out of all the relationships that I have been,there was, were three guys with no ex – girlfriend and mind you one was my first and the other was my second and the other was hmm my fourth.So, then I started dating guys who were from my league,the ones who had ex girlfriends.

So there are many times that those ex’s pissed me off,but the weird part and the best was one turned out to be a darling and i am best friends with her and the present GF of one of y ex’s is a person i know as in an acquaintance and I respect her and the fact that we talk. Confusing it is to me too.

Here I am today engaged to my darling and ready to walk the path of marriage.The question till recent in debate was whether it is good for you to be friends with your ex’s? Well here is what it is….

1.ex’s were once close to you and they know much more about the past you than the present you.

2. they might have screwed up the past,everyone does. If he is your EX than you must have screwed it up a little to. To be his ex.

3.it is uneasy for the ex and the present to meet. However, you have a good chance of laughing over good times.

4. When the ex is in a relationship,please be happy and let that person know that you are happy for him.

5. I learnt how to write scripts from one and it is the a great feeling,one introduced me to FLOYD!,one got me into six sigma and the other thought me to laugh at life and chill.

6.When your husband,boyfriend is pissed off with the ex,it is for you to tell him to forget it and move on.casue mistakes happen and they suck. but, hey, be a man and suck it up or scream.At the end of the day leave the grudge and eat a fudge 😛

7. My point simple, If it was not for the ex,you would not have met the present and look what an amazing thing that is.

8.ex’s can turn out to best buddies and they hear you and you hear them.

9. when you look at them with thier present partners, you know what crap they are in for and you can feel happy that you left that all or reverse.

10. Let us accept the fact that what was not meant to be was not meant to be.

11. If the ex is a bastard or a bitch.Hey you in a better place thanks to that B&B

12. Everyone is entitled to rant out and this is the best way I could 🙂

Woman know your Power!

when I was a teenager that as an incident that shook me.

We used to go for a stroll in our colony after dinner.We did that same that night,6 girls in their 16teens.We saw there was a party happening in of the houses.We wanted to get in and have fun.We met a guy and he invited us over.he was cute and few girls ended up exchanging numbers.However curfew got us back home.We decided to spend the night in my place.

One of the girls wanted to go for the party.She called the guy who we bumped into.he came home and picked her up (all this without the knowledge of elders.we were teenagers mind you).So we waited,waited and waited.she did not come back. time was 4 am,i woke my dad up and told him what happened.Dad being my dad,did not scream shout or raise his eyebrows.”do you know that address”, he asked. we sat on his scooter and went to the party house. Music was blaring and dance was in trance stage.dad knocked on the door and a young boy in his late teens answered the door.

Is Sheetal (name changed) in, he asked. the boy’s face turned white.He tried to stop dad from getting in.But, tough luck dad was heavy and this boy looked like a little rat in front of him. We went in and started looking for her. We found her in the bedroom,crouching on the floor.She was tipsy and the handsome hunk was all over her. Dad threw (literally) this guy from one side to the other,like a ball. Picked up Sheetal and put her on the scooter. I was sitting at the back holding her head.

Reached home,she slept.Dad went to the guys house in the morning.His parents were on a vacation and they got back in the morning.His mother pleaded and asked dad not to lodge a complaint. Dad was angry,he wanted to whack that guy and he did that in front of his parents. I remember he beat him black and blue.Told him that if he ever,ever misbehaves with a girl again in his life. He will hunt him down ( by the way that guy is in touch with dad and his parents too)

Why did I write all this today.Sheetal wanted to go out that day.We were not in the mood and we told Sheetal that she can meet the guy in the day.However she thought we were being pessimistic and very Indian orthodox.Whatever you call it and walked out. In the end she had to be rescued and she still fears going out with strangers.

That was a teenager and today many grown up women are going through the same phase. You might think I am from old school or I do not appreciate modern woman. I do in fact I am very positive and extremely found of my freedom and my mind. However we need to know our limitations. Sheetal could be anyone of us. It is not modern if you go out with a stranger in the middle of the night.Listen to you instincts and then go on.inform someone about where you’re going.Keep your friends numbers on speed dial.

Modern or traditional we women need to understand that freedom is very important for us and we need to utilize it carefully. We need to be equal and not compete with men. He is going out alone, so can I.Yes you can,though you might disagree. We have strong mental powers and mind. Physically we are weak. Not that we cannot kill.But tell me what will you do if there are 5 guys and only you.

A friend once told me if there are 2 guys, I will fight till the end.If they are 5 then I will say say please use condom! (she took the whole episode in a funny manner and made me laugh) Cause she knows that every human being has her/his strengths and weakness!

to or not to…

Never imagined myself to be at home and be a homemaker. indeed it was a choice made my self and to think of it, I am enjoying the phase right now.

Getting up,making coffee (thankfully my better half does not insist on me waking up early or doing wifely duties of old era). the thing is that i would not have been with him if he expected me to do so. That brings me to my fav subject of today “compromise”

I remember my mom never asked my dad for permission for anything.She just told him what she wants to do. He on the other hand never told her what to do and left her choices to her. The way we were brought up at home also laid the foundation to what we think is compromise. Like I never ask people,I tell them. If I want to go out with my girlie, I tell V and he is OK with it and vice verse.

Recently a friend was telling me that she cannot do that,as her husband was not happy with it. The thing is that she was not doing anything major. All she asked him was for some personal time for herself. His reason was that you have to take care of family and that is personal time. ahem,one whack from me to him.

That does not mean,never to compromise. If you think that your thing is little less important than that of the other person,then go ahead give it to him/her. Sometimes the smile on the other person’s face lets you forget that you did compromise for them.

So decide and be sure of your choice and yes never compromise for worse.compromise for better.

Right turn or Left?

So this is it I turned 30 on the 4th day of the month February in the year 2009.It is great to be here, at this podium. It feels like I am on a high rise and I can see myself emerge from that little embryo to the woman that I am now. They are many lanes below and i feel myself walking down every lane. Either to experience the adventure behind the curve at the end or to run into unexpected vast land. Never regretted a single wrong turn. when the turn was right i was happy and when it was wrong I was eagerly waiting for the mysterious in it.

So here waiting for many more roads, which in turn lead me to the vast space in the universe!