My Memory Keeper and Teacher

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I remember a very few incidents from my childhood and teens. I have a clear glass view of everything that happened around from the age of 25 till now.So,when people say, that they remember the day or that year,I tend to loose focus. I know quiet a few friends of mine who remember their childhood like it was yesterday,there is a friend who remembers what she did when she was two!

Now, for me the reason me thinks i remember everything from 25 was aku, my little, now almost my height child. He came into my life at a point where everything before seemed not so important. It is after he came that i started to get to know the me better. Like I clearly remember the lady in the next bed,who had a child just minutes after i had given birth to aku. the day when I randomly stopped my car and stared at nothing in mardepally and many more. He made me look at me in a new way. It was like someone just arrived and held my hand and said “chalo,i am here”. 

When i look back at the days before,it is always like a fast forward movie,things happening,but nothing that brought”oh ii can call it a day” kind of joy. I learnt how to change a diaper,learnt how to cook the perfect dal with the right amount of salt and water and also learnt how to tell stories. Before that there was no one to tell me how creative I was. He made me realize that, like when he asked me to draw a cow, i drew a figure that had legs and hands and horns and wings, he named it the flying cow! I became a cartoonist. When he made me hold his hand and took me for a walk in the zoo saying “i have a secret” and showing me that he can make bubbles with his mouth, i became a keen observer and a keeper of secrets.

When he asks me “why do ants bite,when i did nothing wrong to make then my enemy?” I became an overnight Mycologist! Even today,he makes me learn about myself,more than I knew about me yesterday. Today he asked me “Why do we have to cut a cake on birthdays,why cannot we just say cake and be happy?” He made me search engineer, for i am still searching in my head for an answer.

He will be 10 next month, Let us see where he takes me and my ever so wondering mind.

10 years have run by!

Yesterday my friend Mrs.Shetty took us out to lunch. There we were, after juggling burgers and french fries, sitting in the food court,surrounded by kids and happy eating our awesome and mouth watering chola batura. I just turned my head to the left and my eyes fell upon 23 year old’s , how did i know they were 23? you just now it when you are 33 looking at 23.

Here we were in our comfotabe jeans and the ever so happy kurtas and there they were in their comfortable short capris and curvelicious tops and that made me think. What has changed in the past decade? 10 years and after a godknowshowmany ministers,buildings,roads,metros,smartphones,kids,senior citizens,kfc’s,malls,zumba classes have cropped up.

What has changed I asked myself (aloud this time) in the morning, as i was calling Mrs.Jain. Asking her recipe for Chilla for breakfast. 

1. That has definitely changed, when i was 23 I never called up anyone and  never has to ask anyone on how to make chilla or upma or idli or poori or for that matter breakfast. Now all i think of  and see clearly in front of my eyes early in the morning in BIG, BOLD RED LETTERS is this word BREAKFAST?

WEEKEND

2. That word does not make any difference to me anymore. When i was 23 that W word was a big thing. After slogging my butt off at work, my friends would plan the weekend on Monday. We would get up when we please,eat what we please, yespleasegetdrunk.Decide which pub to hit and what book to read on a lazy Sunday morning. Now it is the same day of the week,every day of the week. The only thing that i think that has changed is, I have a hubby and 2 kids and a maid to cook for and to look after. Even if V and I want to plan or go out,we would wonder how to manipulate the children and make them think that parents can disappear like magic and appear anytime,anywhere.

SILENCE

3. Silence, the court is in session! that were very random dialogue in movies. But now, i want someone like that in my house.Some one who can announce, Silence,D is in session(which can be anything right from reading,to bathroom time,to me sitting in the front room and staring at the peeling wall) When I was 23 I had earned my right to silence. I was no longer at my parents house. I lived in my own place and that was a boon. We room mates could just…shush the other person and say ” i need space and silence” and they would understand. No one would go non stop, deethi why are you silent,what is wrong,what is being silent mean?. How can i be silent and when the little one screaming his arse off in the background, the  maid asking me what is the difference between butter and cheese and the plumber telling me “madam ji, you bathroom flush is old and you need to change it, so givemethemoneynow,or i will not leave this door until i savetheplanet and earnmyself some money from you……..so on and so forth….SILENCE.

Yes there is a huge change in body,mind and soul from 23 to 33. However would i change something or anything? nah, bring on the multitasking breed of 33 out and enzay(which means enjoy)

My Summer Vs Kids Summer

There are certain things in Today’s household with growing kids that make you wonder if missed out on all these during our own childhood. these things can be words,things and emotions. I am going to randomly name them and you go figure.

Ipad – my kids cannot fathom the idea that mommy and daddy lived with an ipad while growing up. ” how did you play angry birds then”? they ask, We say, we just went a pulled a couple of twigs out of the nest or stole the eggs and the angry birds where everywhere.

Printer – ” how could you not have a color printer”? we did have color printers and those we known as hands and crayons and paper cuttings.

Summer camps – ” what did you do during summer”?, well we spent time playing hopscotch,hide and seek and then we would camp on the guava tree and while away summer.

Yougurt in a box – ” “what you telling me curds were made at home”? Beta, we still do that and those vanilla, raspberry, strawberry flavors were changed to sugar and sugar and once in a while a box of.. no wait a thing paper box filled with the most delicious ice cream.

Then my son goes, you never had a swimming pool in school????????????!!!!!!!!! and I say ” I did have it and it was called the tank that held our tap water and we would swim in it(in our own heads)

Did you know that schools these days so not have the good old water tank, the ones where water would come out in those brass taps. These days they have water coolers and plastic cups or in some schools ever kids gets his or her own glass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you know that the Soda wala that would come everyday during summer with Ice soda,goli soda,orange soda is missing in action and the last I saw him,he was making do with all color soda packed into a Rs.150 bottle and called it traditions sold in style!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you know that the bandi wala outside our schools, the one who used to sell, raw mangoes,cut and plastered with chili and salt, the regi pallu ( the brown colored berries) that they would wrap up in paper and give us,those tiny white candies,orange candies and all??? that guy and bandi have gone extinct 😦

I know, i know Zamana naya hai and all that, but I miss my childhood and this new gen childhood is not for me and I am hoping and praying and asking God for strength and my soda wala for the goli soda.

 

Mother hood ka Fight.

My “motherhood” tag is keeping me alive for a while now. I have come to conclusion that it comes with it’s special powers and it works always. I always used to wonder how my mother had super powers and then one day Voila I discovered the joy of those hidden in me and popping out every now and then and then every year,month,day…oh you get it.

I want to watch my fav sitcom at 9 pm and all i have to say is “get to your room now and hit the bed” no questions asked.” eat that cabbage or i will put it in the fridge and feed it to you for breakfast” 

But I realized that the kids are smart,very smart and very capable of twisting these powers. for eg  I asked my older one to turn in, so that i could watch T.V. The next thing i know that he was on the Ipad and watching some cartoon. His answer ” younger one wanted attention and i had to give it to him,while you are watching T.V”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tell older one ” have a bath and do not sit in the bathtub”, he is in the bathtub and with the younger one ” younger one wanted to have a bath too” is the answer.

Go play outside, he is outside the door, right outside and waiting for the younger one to see him and cry and make a fuss. So, that this smart ass can come back in and sit his arse down on the sofa.

So everyday in my house there is this constant fight for those super powers and I am not ready to give them in yet. So, I tell my kid, I am your mother and beta,when I tell you listen up ad for all those smart comments you made in the past few days,there is a gift waiting for you on the table. Fresh and yummy cabbage salad!

Anger Management!

Anger is something that I have been dealing with all my life. I get angry and it goes on for days together or I forget what I was angry at the next minute. There are so many of us who give advice to each other and say “keep calm,let bygones,be bygones”. how many of us practice this thought? 

I have seen that anger tends to pull me down,give me headache and then make me talk and think bad about the other person and then i am back to normal. But for few years now I have put something in practice and my mind now looks for these signs and automatically triggers a reaction that tells me ” go away for a walk or got to room and cry or scream loud” and once i do that i am good to go and the anger,is subsided.

My elder son,has a lot of anger stored in him. I did not see this coming till he was 7,he is 9 now and i worry everyday thinking this will effect him. There was nothing i was doing from my side to curb it. When he got angry, i used to yell at him and ask him to go to his room. that triggered more anger in him and boy that was even worse. Now we have a practice,when he gets angry, i told him to tell them person next to him and talk non- stop tp himself on why he is angry and then once he realizes the key,me and him will talk and deal with it. the other day, he was teased in school and he got angry and i was surprised when i got to know, that he actually told his friend ” i am angry,please do not talk to me now” and then after while he was calm and the happy boy again. So,if this works for a 9 year old then it must work a little for you and me to right?!

It sounds easy to write,but, i know it is difficult when the situation comes. Try it and it might work at the 20th time. Also communication is the key everywhere and if you do not tell the person why you are angry and just act, you might be just another mad cow in the crowd.

Words of a Child

Here are words of wisdom from an 8 year old. 

1. Do not ever hit another human being.

2. tell our leaders to not sit in parliament. tell them to go out to schools and colleges and offices and talk to children and tell them we are there for you.

3. the police who are with the most important people in the world , can come and stay with that auntie and all the aunties and you and my friends.

4.so,bad men will be scared and never come to harm my deethi and other aunties.

5.i will be leader and say “if anyone beats,they will get beaten again.you only said no “nail for nail,so they will also know,how beating is bad”

6.I am learning karate,so you all can learn the same and kick the bad people.

thank you.

my vagina is not your playground.

Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse, which is initiated by one or more persons against another person without that person’s consent. That is what comes up when I type rape.

For the last 48 hours India has been going on and on about the Delhi rape case, how do we punish them?  What laws need to put in place? Who to blame? , I have promptly updated my FB and called them to be punished in the most brutal way. But, do you know what runs in my mind? I keep thinking what if it happens to me? What will I do? How will I kick them?  And then I think will I be another case? Another person who the world will talk about for a day or month?

The fact that I am even thinking about it while putting my 2 year old to bed is scary. I have my door locked, a pen knife at my side and also 100 ways to alert the security. But, wait was a girl not raped by her building watchmen few months ago?

So, is it that being born a woman is wrong? Am I at fault that I have a vagina and it can be thirsted and pushed open at your will and force? Should I stitch it up and glue it, just to make sure I do not get raped? Or should I always be alert 24 fucking hours and not live my life and walk freely without an escort?

So, as a woman, I have to think how to dress? How to walk? How to talk? Where to and where not to go? Plan my day, so that I get back home, before the rapist it at large?

Is this what a women’s life is in a country or in the world is today? Do I have to feel stupid for being born a woman or should I feel sad that the rapist is born out of a woman and not a fucking man’s vagina?

Tell me I will be safe tomorrow; tell me that if a man even thinks of the word R, he will get jitters thinking of the punishment. Tell me my daughters, sisters, mothers and women are free, just the way they were born. Tell me that I do not have to tell the doctor to stitch up my daughter’s vagina, for the fear of the 6 month old getting molested by a 70 year old.

Promise me and write it on every wall, stone, sand and sky for all I care, that you are free to go wherever you want and no one will rape you.

Because that uncouth is not only raping me, he is raping my mind and my free will.

 I need to have the right to walk, run, get into a bus,plane,auto,axi,home at my own will. No one, no one has the right to steal that from me.

My vagina is not a playground.