Meditation and Me

sometimes I see a bright light and within that light, I see myself.

at times I see a dark blue ocean, filled with specks of an unknown kind.

I see the light, it is bright and pink. I see that light, it changes to white, to green and then to violet.

I see butterflies and eagles and peacocks and sometimes two heads and two wings,two birds that share a body.

my head starts moving and there is a silent rhythm in the atmosphere.

my body jerks, it sways to a beat, sometimes it is fast and sometimes it repeats.

my smile wideness , my forehead hurts. my knees start wobbling and my arms go flat.

my hands, my hands, they have a tune of their own.  the mudras they form are so fascinating. it takes me by surprise every single time.

this is my moment, this is my time, this is me in my meditative state.

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Broken,but Alive

I remember like it was yesterday, my trust broke in a tiny bathroom.

I was cornered to the wall, with the tap hurting my back.

I remember like it was yesterday, my trust broke when I believed in that smile.

I was asked to touch his penis, and he was touching my vagina.

I remember like It was yesterday, my trust broke when the 7 year old me could not run.

I was numb and could not scream, his mouth and moustache were covering mine.

I remember like it was yesterday,my trust broke when another put his hands in my underwear.

I was trying to wriggle and he held me down. Like I was a worm and he was a giant foot.

I remember like it was yesterday, my trust broke on the road. 

I was riding my Honda and he was riding his manhood next to me. 

By then trust was lost somewhere and maybe even felt  isolated. There were many times it wanted to come back and stay put.

I remember like it was yesterday…… I promised myself that no one shall cross the wall, the wall I named trust.

Don’t KILL yourself

Second page of TOI bangalore “IIM – B girl commits suicide” this is after her boyfriend dumped her and changed updated his status message to “feeling super cool today,dumped my new ex-girl friend.happy independence day”.

A website said that estimated 100000 commit suicide in India every year and it contributes to 10% among the world numbers.It is a sad and terrible way to end life,killing oneself.I was talking to S on the phone and she was saying that when most of us hear something like that we say “what a dumb girl” or “who gave her the right to kill herself” and so on.I think it is valid,Agree most of us say this and think “why did that girl end her life this way?”.

I was disturbed by the news,because it was an end to a beautiful life.Is there a way of prevention? Yes there are a number of websites and help lines available today.They have counseling sessions not only for the person who wants to.But,also for the parents,family and friends around.They help you deal with it and not make you adjust with life.Rather they make you accept life with a new look and a positive go ahead.

Many of the young ones today or even the older generation are facing pressure in ever aspect of life.
>good marks
>great job
>money
>fame
>study pressure
>love failure
>parents pressure
>spouse pressure
>failure in life

The above are few such points that i think where people end up killing themselves.These things can be resolved with proper understanding and care.If you know someone like this and cannot help then in your own way.Look for professional help and take them there.Trust me you will thank yourself for making and taking this decision.

My mother always says that no child is born dumb or smart or intelligent.She says that all of us are born with the same brain that helps us survive in this world.So,it is up to the parents and the society to nurture that brain and turn in into a “beautiful mind”.If you heart is broken it too can be mended,it may not be the same ever.But,with proper guidance it will turn that hurt into a lesson learnt for good!

My silent prayer for

Malini Murmu
23 years

Good Morning

Good Morning,

I have been up from 4 am in the morning and watching movies,feeding my 5 month old,making coffee for my hubby who just got back from work.I am not tired and I am in a very good mood(hope it remains till the end of today).

Been wanting to write a book for the past 6 years.Yes,6 years is a long time to think and a long time to gather material.you would have thought that I did.However,I have no even picked up a twig yet and have no clue where to start.All I know is I want to write books and not the ones that preach or tell you to get up and move on.I want to write something that is familiar and something that i have lived through.I tried one day to write a fantasy book,even picked up names like “namerain”(name of the lead character).however,after 2 paragraphs,I left the page and wandered into the kitchen to make pasta.

Why is there a need for me to write a book? why is there a need for me make a living out of writing?I don’t know the answer to that questions as yet.All I know is that I derive a sense of pleasure out of penning those words or more like typing those letters on the keyboard and listening to that sound of the letters being typed or looking at each and every letter form a word.

I thought writing can be done by starting to write articles on the web,you know the SEO or writing about a razer that is so important that you end up writing about all the things a razor could do!I took up umpteen assignments on the same and then realized that I HATE THEM.The guys who gave me those assignments called like 10 times asking me for the finished work and i had o make some excuse.Reason – I never did go beyond one para.I hated what it made me feel like.It felt like I was writing for someone else(which I was).

So, I gave up and did not write at all.In fact there was nothing to write about.I mean there is always something to write about.However, I did not have the patience to write.then again I read this someones thoughts on writing and it somehow made an impact on me.

You know how they say everything happens for a reason and the reason for me to stay up and read this was for a reason.I think it was to tell me,that you cannot be hard on you and you cannot expect yourself to write unless you know and believe in what you are writing( I used the word writing like a zillion times here).

There is always a point in life where you journey begins.There is always a reason to start something.Sometimes you know the reason and sometimes you do not.Don’t pause ans think and ask yourself.Just go with the flow and the reason will come and tell you “deethi,this is the reason why you are here”.I am no more going to wait for a moment or time to start writing.I will write when I feel happy,sad,gay, disappointed and many more moods.I will write when I want to be hear by myself and i will write for my happiness!

P.S – also when my 5 month old and my 7-year-old,tell me mama “we love you” and when my V tell me “i love you”