you are empowered and you should know that.

There are times that I wonder, if the mindset of humans towards women has been like this right from the beginning? or was it just over the last 100 years or so?

Trust me there is a strong reason for me to  say or think so. See, I live in a community and it is filled with women and men and children. However what I get to hear and see is mostly the lives of women who live in it. For me, as an individual the bias system seems so passe! See, there was never a time or place that I was made to feel like I was a burden or a robot who has to listen to people tell me how to dress? what to eat? how to sleep? what to read? and thanks to my upbringing I never thought that I was weak or some random gender.

But, I realized that the world i was living in is not the same as outside. So, there is a women who is asked to wear only a sari at her home and nothing else is good. She is someone who was never used to wearing one and now that is all she has to wear. It might seem too  small a reason to melt and get all angry. But, what is the point in someone being asked to do what you want and not what they want to do? the only time she does wear one, is when her in laws are out of town or family is out on a town trip. Really, you might call it adjustment,i call it stupidity. I mean look at it, just because she wears a sari does not make her a true Indian bahu, nor wearing a salwar will turn her into a modern monster.

Also, men beating women and abusing them is so common, even in a society like mine. I heard a women cry the other day and wanted to jump in a kick the hell out of the man. however, the talk is that she is ok with it. the reason – he does that only when drunk. wtf is that? why would you want your body to go through pain and live a life with him. would you not rather get out, stand on your feet and make something better of yourself. I know that all of us look for support system and need someone to say that we are there for you. but, how long does one have to wait for someone else to help you? if you do not help yourself, then no one can.

the world that  we live in is not a kind one, it is not safe either. however, that world is not something we choose personally, you and I were born into it. But the world that you and I create around us, is what keeps us sane and happy. So, am i thinking wrong or is it ok to face the shitty world where man can beat a women and a family can dictate what you wear and who you talk to?

there has to be a reason why it all goes wrong and sometimes the reason can be another person and not you. if you surround yourselves with a.holes then stop it now. for you are the most special person in this world and you need to be treated with respect. 

I am promise to be there for you and for many like you and there are shelters who can help you stand on your own two feet. I am hoping this is read by those who need courage to take that step and leave the distressed world behind them. who ever you are, there is help, please look for it or ask for it,scream for it and it will come.

If you feel you need time, then take one step at a time and then take that giant leap towards a better tomorrow.

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Bucket List 2014

Today is the Day I make my Bucket List for year 2014 and see how many I can strike off by the year end.

1. Learn one new Indian Language
2. Adopt a Child
3. Learn How to Bake
4. Travel at least to one country in the world
5. Provide Shelter to Homeless
6. Learn How to ride a Bullet
7. Stage a Play
8. Stage a play with new actors

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9. Make someone super happy and remain anonymous
10.To strike off the above Bucket List.

My Memory Keeper and Teacher

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I remember a very few incidents from my childhood and teens. I have a clear glass view of everything that happened around from the age of 25 till now.So,when people say, that they remember the day or that year,I tend to loose focus. I know quiet a few friends of mine who remember their childhood like it was yesterday,there is a friend who remembers what she did when she was two!

Now, for me the reason me thinks i remember everything from 25 was aku, my little, now almost my height child. He came into my life at a point where everything before seemed not so important. It is after he came that i started to get to know the me better. Like I clearly remember the lady in the next bed,who had a child just minutes after i had given birth to aku. the day when I randomly stopped my car and stared at nothing in mardepally and many more. He made me look at me in a new way. It was like someone just arrived and held my hand and said “chalo,i am here”. 

When i look back at the days before,it is always like a fast forward movie,things happening,but nothing that brought”oh ii can call it a day” kind of joy. I learnt how to change a diaper,learnt how to cook the perfect dal with the right amount of salt and water and also learnt how to tell stories. Before that there was no one to tell me how creative I was. He made me realize that, like when he asked me to draw a cow, i drew a figure that had legs and hands and horns and wings, he named it the flying cow! I became a cartoonist. When he made me hold his hand and took me for a walk in the zoo saying “i have a secret” and showing me that he can make bubbles with his mouth, i became a keen observer and a keeper of secrets.

When he asks me “why do ants bite,when i did nothing wrong to make then my enemy?” I became an overnight Mycologist! Even today,he makes me learn about myself,more than I knew about me yesterday. Today he asked me “Why do we have to cut a cake on birthdays,why cannot we just say cake and be happy?” He made me search engineer, for i am still searching in my head for an answer.

He will be 10 next month, Let us see where he takes me and my ever so wondering mind.

10 years have run by!

Yesterday my friend Mrs.Shetty took us out to lunch. There we were, after juggling burgers and french fries, sitting in the food court,surrounded by kids and happy eating our awesome and mouth watering chola batura. I just turned my head to the left and my eyes fell upon 23 year old’s , how did i know they were 23? you just now it when you are 33 looking at 23.

Here we were in our comfotabe jeans and the ever so happy kurtas and there they were in their comfortable short capris and curvelicious tops and that made me think. What has changed in the past decade? 10 years and after a godknowshowmany ministers,buildings,roads,metros,smartphones,kids,senior citizens,kfc’s,malls,zumba classes have cropped up.

What has changed I asked myself (aloud this time) in the morning, as i was calling Mrs.Jain. Asking her recipe for Chilla for breakfast. 

1. That has definitely changed, when i was 23 I never called up anyone and  never has to ask anyone on how to make chilla or upma or idli or poori or for that matter breakfast. Now all i think of  and see clearly in front of my eyes early in the morning in BIG, BOLD RED LETTERS is this word BREAKFAST?

WEEKEND

2. That word does not make any difference to me anymore. When i was 23 that W word was a big thing. After slogging my butt off at work, my friends would plan the weekend on Monday. We would get up when we please,eat what we please, yespleasegetdrunk.Decide which pub to hit and what book to read on a lazy Sunday morning. Now it is the same day of the week,every day of the week. The only thing that i think that has changed is, I have a hubby and 2 kids and a maid to cook for and to look after. Even if V and I want to plan or go out,we would wonder how to manipulate the children and make them think that parents can disappear like magic and appear anytime,anywhere.

SILENCE

3. Silence, the court is in session! that were very random dialogue in movies. But now, i want someone like that in my house.Some one who can announce, Silence,D is in session(which can be anything right from reading,to bathroom time,to me sitting in the front room and staring at the peeling wall) When I was 23 I had earned my right to silence. I was no longer at my parents house. I lived in my own place and that was a boon. We room mates could just…shush the other person and say ” i need space and silence” and they would understand. No one would go non stop, deethi why are you silent,what is wrong,what is being silent mean?. How can i be silent and when the little one screaming his arse off in the background, the  maid asking me what is the difference between butter and cheese and the plumber telling me “madam ji, you bathroom flush is old and you need to change it, so givemethemoneynow,or i will not leave this door until i savetheplanet and earnmyself some money from you……..so on and so forth….SILENCE.

Yes there is a huge change in body,mind and soul from 23 to 33. However would i change something or anything? nah, bring on the multitasking breed of 33 out and enzay(which means enjoy)

My Summer Vs Kids Summer

There are certain things in Today’s household with growing kids that make you wonder if missed out on all these during our own childhood. these things can be words,things and emotions. I am going to randomly name them and you go figure.

Ipad – my kids cannot fathom the idea that mommy and daddy lived with an ipad while growing up. ” how did you play angry birds then”? they ask, We say, we just went a pulled a couple of twigs out of the nest or stole the eggs and the angry birds where everywhere.

Printer – ” how could you not have a color printer”? we did have color printers and those we known as hands and crayons and paper cuttings.

Summer camps – ” what did you do during summer”?, well we spent time playing hopscotch,hide and seek and then we would camp on the guava tree and while away summer.

Yougurt in a box – ” “what you telling me curds were made at home”? Beta, we still do that and those vanilla, raspberry, strawberry flavors were changed to sugar and sugar and once in a while a box of.. no wait a thing paper box filled with the most delicious ice cream.

Then my son goes, you never had a swimming pool in school????????????!!!!!!!!! and I say ” I did have it and it was called the tank that held our tap water and we would swim in it(in our own heads)

Did you know that schools these days so not have the good old water tank, the ones where water would come out in those brass taps. These days they have water coolers and plastic cups or in some schools ever kids gets his or her own glass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you know that the Soda wala that would come everyday during summer with Ice soda,goli soda,orange soda is missing in action and the last I saw him,he was making do with all color soda packed into a Rs.150 bottle and called it traditions sold in style!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you know that the bandi wala outside our schools, the one who used to sell, raw mangoes,cut and plastered with chili and salt, the regi pallu ( the brown colored berries) that they would wrap up in paper and give us,those tiny white candies,orange candies and all??? that guy and bandi have gone extinct 😦

I know, i know Zamana naya hai and all that, but I miss my childhood and this new gen childhood is not for me and I am hoping and praying and asking God for strength and my soda wala for the goli soda.

 

Mother hood ka Fight.

My “motherhood” tag is keeping me alive for a while now. I have come to conclusion that it comes with it’s special powers and it works always. I always used to wonder how my mother had super powers and then one day Voila I discovered the joy of those hidden in me and popping out every now and then and then every year,month,day…oh you get it.

I want to watch my fav sitcom at 9 pm and all i have to say is “get to your room now and hit the bed” no questions asked.” eat that cabbage or i will put it in the fridge and feed it to you for breakfast” 

But I realized that the kids are smart,very smart and very capable of twisting these powers. for eg  I asked my older one to turn in, so that i could watch T.V. The next thing i know that he was on the Ipad and watching some cartoon. His answer ” younger one wanted attention and i had to give it to him,while you are watching T.V”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tell older one ” have a bath and do not sit in the bathtub”, he is in the bathtub and with the younger one ” younger one wanted to have a bath too” is the answer.

Go play outside, he is outside the door, right outside and waiting for the younger one to see him and cry and make a fuss. So, that this smart ass can come back in and sit his arse down on the sofa.

So everyday in my house there is this constant fight for those super powers and I am not ready to give them in yet. So, I tell my kid, I am your mother and beta,when I tell you listen up ad for all those smart comments you made in the past few days,there is a gift waiting for you on the table. Fresh and yummy cabbage salad!

Anger Management!

Anger is something that I have been dealing with all my life. I get angry and it goes on for days together or I forget what I was angry at the next minute. There are so many of us who give advice to each other and say “keep calm,let bygones,be bygones”. how many of us practice this thought? 

I have seen that anger tends to pull me down,give me headache and then make me talk and think bad about the other person and then i am back to normal. But for few years now I have put something in practice and my mind now looks for these signs and automatically triggers a reaction that tells me ” go away for a walk or got to room and cry or scream loud” and once i do that i am good to go and the anger,is subsided.

My elder son,has a lot of anger stored in him. I did not see this coming till he was 7,he is 9 now and i worry everyday thinking this will effect him. There was nothing i was doing from my side to curb it. When he got angry, i used to yell at him and ask him to go to his room. that triggered more anger in him and boy that was even worse. Now we have a practice,when he gets angry, i told him to tell them person next to him and talk non- stop tp himself on why he is angry and then once he realizes the key,me and him will talk and deal with it. the other day, he was teased in school and he got angry and i was surprised when i got to know, that he actually told his friend ” i am angry,please do not talk to me now” and then after while he was calm and the happy boy again. So,if this works for a 9 year old then it must work a little for you and me to right?!

It sounds easy to write,but, i know it is difficult when the situation comes. Try it and it might work at the 20th time. Also communication is the key everywhere and if you do not tell the person why you are angry and just act, you might be just another mad cow in the crowd.