mother and child and the teacher called life

Being a mother is the toughest, the most satisfying role and a very emotional one. I often keep thinking what is the right way or parenting and what is the wrong. seeing my friends and family and seeing how they treat their kids has always been a fascination for me. this is the time I get to check and take away those precious lessons.

my elder son who is 10 now has taught me numerous times that being a parent is a learning experience. he is always adjusting to my needs and is someone who never demands too much of my time. however, my younger on (who is soon going to be the middle child) is very demanding. he needs me next to him 24/7 and is always on his toes. like last night, it took me 3 hours from 9 pm to 12 am to put him into bed.

from the elder one I learnt to be more relaxed and appreciate the life around me and from the younger one I learnt to be alert and also active, both in a way are the yin and yang energy in my life.

Kids teach us many things and when we try and pick up those signs, it works wonders. Like the younger one (lets call him YE) and the OE were watching T.V, they started to fight and the OE called the YE a bad boy. my YE immediately looked at his brother and said ” don’t call me bad boy,it is a bad word”. I was amazed at the four year old’s thought process. in a way and actually in every way what he said was correct. instead of calling him a bad boy, all the OE had to do was tell him that what he was doing was wrong and find way to set it right.

sometime ago while my YE was playing with his cousin, both of them got tired of each other and started to fight over toys. YE refused to share his toys with his cousin. I did not go near them as kids learn to deal with each other and sometimes it is better not to interfere. so someone looked at my YE and this someone is very close to him and said “if you do not share toys with your cousin, i will not talk to you”. my YE felt very sad and reluctantly shared his toys with his cousin. I did not like this and was not in a position to point out the mistake made by the elder. However, i did tell YE that he has to learn on how to share his things and sometimes it is OK not to and never ever listen to someone who makes you sad. It was difficult to explain to a 4 year old about emotional blackmail,I hope to soon very soon.

parenting is a choice that we made, when we first saw that positive line on the stick or when that blood test came positive. we made a choice to bring someone into this world and we need to make sure that give it our best.

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My Memory Keeper and Teacher

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I remember a very few incidents from my childhood and teens. I have a clear glass view of everything that happened around from the age of 25 till now.So,when people say, that they remember the day or that year,I tend to loose focus. I know quiet a few friends of mine who remember their childhood like it was yesterday,there is a friend who remembers what she did when she was two!

Now, for me the reason me thinks i remember everything from 25 was aku, my little, now almost my height child. He came into my life at a point where everything before seemed not so important. It is after he came that i started to get to know the me better. Like I clearly remember the lady in the next bed,who had a child just minutes after i had given birth to aku. the day when I randomly stopped my car and stared at nothing in mardepally and many more. He made me look at me in a new way. It was like someone just arrived and held my hand and said “chalo,i am here”. 

When i look back at the days before,it is always like a fast forward movie,things happening,but nothing that brought”oh ii can call it a day” kind of joy. I learnt how to change a diaper,learnt how to cook the perfect dal with the right amount of salt and water and also learnt how to tell stories. Before that there was no one to tell me how creative I was. He made me realize that, like when he asked me to draw a cow, i drew a figure that had legs and hands and horns and wings, he named it the flying cow! I became a cartoonist. When he made me hold his hand and took me for a walk in the zoo saying “i have a secret” and showing me that he can make bubbles with his mouth, i became a keen observer and a keeper of secrets.

When he asks me “why do ants bite,when i did nothing wrong to make then my enemy?” I became an overnight Mycologist! Even today,he makes me learn about myself,more than I knew about me yesterday. Today he asked me “Why do we have to cut a cake on birthdays,why cannot we just say cake and be happy?” He made me search engineer, for i am still searching in my head for an answer.

He will be 10 next month, Let us see where he takes me and my ever so wondering mind.

My Summer Vs Kids Summer

There are certain things in Today’s household with growing kids that make you wonder if missed out on all these during our own childhood. these things can be words,things and emotions. I am going to randomly name them and you go figure.

Ipad – my kids cannot fathom the idea that mommy and daddy lived with an ipad while growing up. ” how did you play angry birds then”? they ask, We say, we just went a pulled a couple of twigs out of the nest or stole the eggs and the angry birds where everywhere.

Printer – ” how could you not have a color printer”? we did have color printers and those we known as hands and crayons and paper cuttings.

Summer camps – ” what did you do during summer”?, well we spent time playing hopscotch,hide and seek and then we would camp on the guava tree and while away summer.

Yougurt in a box – ” “what you telling me curds were made at home”? Beta, we still do that and those vanilla, raspberry, strawberry flavors were changed to sugar and sugar and once in a while a box of.. no wait a thing paper box filled with the most delicious ice cream.

Then my son goes, you never had a swimming pool in school????????????!!!!!!!!! and I say ” I did have it and it was called the tank that held our tap water and we would swim in it(in our own heads)

Did you know that schools these days so not have the good old water tank, the ones where water would come out in those brass taps. These days they have water coolers and plastic cups or in some schools ever kids gets his or her own glass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you know that the Soda wala that would come everyday during summer with Ice soda,goli soda,orange soda is missing in action and the last I saw him,he was making do with all color soda packed into a Rs.150 bottle and called it traditions sold in style!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you know that the bandi wala outside our schools, the one who used to sell, raw mangoes,cut and plastered with chili and salt, the regi pallu ( the brown colored berries) that they would wrap up in paper and give us,those tiny white candies,orange candies and all??? that guy and bandi have gone extinct 😦

I know, i know Zamana naya hai and all that, but I miss my childhood and this new gen childhood is not for me and I am hoping and praying and asking God for strength and my soda wala for the goli soda.

 

Mother hood ka Fight.

My “motherhood” tag is keeping me alive for a while now. I have come to conclusion that it comes with it’s special powers and it works always. I always used to wonder how my mother had super powers and then one day Voila I discovered the joy of those hidden in me and popping out every now and then and then every year,month,day…oh you get it.

I want to watch my fav sitcom at 9 pm and all i have to say is “get to your room now and hit the bed” no questions asked.” eat that cabbage or i will put it in the fridge and feed it to you for breakfast” 

But I realized that the kids are smart,very smart and very capable of twisting these powers. for eg  I asked my older one to turn in, so that i could watch T.V. The next thing i know that he was on the Ipad and watching some cartoon. His answer ” younger one wanted attention and i had to give it to him,while you are watching T.V”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tell older one ” have a bath and do not sit in the bathtub”, he is in the bathtub and with the younger one ” younger one wanted to have a bath too” is the answer.

Go play outside, he is outside the door, right outside and waiting for the younger one to see him and cry and make a fuss. So, that this smart ass can come back in and sit his arse down on the sofa.

So everyday in my house there is this constant fight for those super powers and I am not ready to give them in yet. So, I tell my kid, I am your mother and beta,when I tell you listen up ad for all those smart comments you made in the past few days,there is a gift waiting for you on the table. Fresh and yummy cabbage salad!

Anger Management!

Anger is something that I have been dealing with all my life. I get angry and it goes on for days together or I forget what I was angry at the next minute. There are so many of us who give advice to each other and say “keep calm,let bygones,be bygones”. how many of us practice this thought? 

I have seen that anger tends to pull me down,give me headache and then make me talk and think bad about the other person and then i am back to normal. But for few years now I have put something in practice and my mind now looks for these signs and automatically triggers a reaction that tells me ” go away for a walk or got to room and cry or scream loud” and once i do that i am good to go and the anger,is subsided.

My elder son,has a lot of anger stored in him. I did not see this coming till he was 7,he is 9 now and i worry everyday thinking this will effect him. There was nothing i was doing from my side to curb it. When he got angry, i used to yell at him and ask him to go to his room. that triggered more anger in him and boy that was even worse. Now we have a practice,when he gets angry, i told him to tell them person next to him and talk non- stop tp himself on why he is angry and then once he realizes the key,me and him will talk and deal with it. the other day, he was teased in school and he got angry and i was surprised when i got to know, that he actually told his friend ” i am angry,please do not talk to me now” and then after while he was calm and the happy boy again. So,if this works for a 9 year old then it must work a little for you and me to right?!

It sounds easy to write,but, i know it is difficult when the situation comes. Try it and it might work at the 20th time. Also communication is the key everywhere and if you do not tell the person why you are angry and just act, you might be just another mad cow in the crowd.

Words of a Child

Here are words of wisdom from an 8 year old. 

1. Do not ever hit another human being.

2. tell our leaders to not sit in parliament. tell them to go out to schools and colleges and offices and talk to children and tell them we are there for you.

3. the police who are with the most important people in the world , can come and stay with that auntie and all the aunties and you and my friends.

4.so,bad men will be scared and never come to harm my deethi and other aunties.

5.i will be leader and say “if anyone beats,they will get beaten again.you only said no “nail for nail,so they will also know,how beating is bad”

6.I am learning karate,so you all can learn the same and kick the bad people.

thank you.

What the Numer 1 does!

I have a 8 year old son and managing them(son’s) is not so easy.I bow to the mothers who have taken care of more then 2 sons and will frame their photos and put them on a pedestal till the time i kick the bucket.

 

Here are few things my Elder 1 is famous for and makes me want to tear his hair and then trim mine!

  1. walking talking enquirer
  2. does not give a rat’s ass if the bus is waiting for him (his going to latin(number 2) is important)
  3. tells you while going to number 2 at 8 am in the morning,that he has an exam today.
  4. eats something that you really put in effort and shouts 1001 times “it is salty,salty,salty,salty….…and salty” (makes me want to dump him in the same salty curry.
  5. waits for me to hit the bed,cozy up in my blanket and then goes “deethi,i want to eat,i am hungry” (about 11pm in the night)
  6. waits for his little brother to sleep and then starts to record his voice on my phone and plays it over and over (the sound goes something like – OOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAEEEEEEEE)
  7. makes sure all his rough books are roughly used withing 2.5 seconds of me getting them from the shop.
  8. cries at the drop of a hat and makes me feel guilty like forever.
  9. tells me “i want to open a hotel,when i become big and then promptly tell me “you will be my assistant,cook,washer and drier”
  10. looks at me and says “deethi,i think no one wanted me in heaven,so god send me to you and then made you and me happy” (add’s he would have chosen me second and ben tens thatha first)

Yes,it might look(very easily) like he is a brat.But the funny thing is he manages to make me fall in love with him and so does the I’s 😛