my parents are my kids

read an article about a week ago about how it is be a daughter of ageing parents and that got me thinking and writing.

As a daughter i always thought of my parents to be super humans (yes even though i am 36,i still do think that way),never imagined a day where i would be sitting in an ambulance with dad strapped to machines and a nurse constantly checking his pulse. it was a day full of machines and doctors and medicines. the day my father became so vulnerable, he was in the ICU and was strapped to a machine that reads his pulse going from 74 to 134 and to an oxygen mask,two bottles of saline going into his delicate hands and to top it all a chemo that went from better to worse. here i was in a room full of strangers staring at the strong man,who even in that condition was smiling at me and not letting me break down. he was so strong and was so in the father role, his eyes did not blink for a second when i was around. he kept on telling me,that he is going to be ok. 

there at home my mother was cooking for my kids and doing everything in her state to be calm, every time i called her to tell her “ma,nana is ok” she would turn around and tell me “don’t worry,everything happens for a reason”. she was keeping up the face for me,her daughter and she was going through an emotional battle inside. she was making sure i was fine and was in a position to handle her husband and my father. she was trying not to think of a son she lost and trying not to think about how he would have been as a rock to support her. that day and that moment,the only thing she tuned her mind to was her husband getting better and her daughter getting him home. see,even here. she tells me ” go have food and tell nana to rest till you come back”.

how do they do that,our parents? how do they become these super humans? i used to ask myself. then i realised that one day we all become them and they in turn become the ones who look into our eyes and say “take this torch and carry it forward”. these days i am the one who tells them to stop fighting with each other and watch T.V in silence, I am the one who decides what they get to wear when they go out. I took my father shopping the other day and bought him underwear and pyjamas! I am the one who forces my mother to go for a walk and will not hear a no! how did we become parents to our own parents and when?!

nothing prepares you to be a daughter to your elderly parents. you just go with the flow and fit the shoes. i am glad that i have both of them with me today and glad that i have many more years to learn from them.

amma and nana gave up their dreams and ambitions for me,my mother like every other mother in the world, worked 24/7 to give my brother and me a great life and brought us up to be good human beings,she traveled back and forth for 6 hours everyday  to work, just so that she would give us the life she thought we deserved and she did it like a BOSS!.My father took up the rest and made sure we were always happy and content in what we had. He took up cooking, so that amma could get a break and was the face to greet us when we got back home with a hot cuppa tea and pakodas 🙂

the time has come for me to become the strength for them, to give them everything that i can give,to provide for them in the best way possible. I am indebted to them for life and i will serve them till the last day,the last breath and till my last thought. my parents are immortal and so are yours.

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my vagina is not your playground.

Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse, which is initiated by one or more persons against another person without that person’s consent. That is what comes up when I type rape.

For the last 48 hours India has been going on and on about the Delhi rape case, how do we punish them?  What laws need to put in place? Who to blame? , I have promptly updated my FB and called them to be punished in the most brutal way. But, do you know what runs in my mind? I keep thinking what if it happens to me? What will I do? How will I kick them?  And then I think will I be another case? Another person who the world will talk about for a day or month?

The fact that I am even thinking about it while putting my 2 year old to bed is scary. I have my door locked, a pen knife at my side and also 100 ways to alert the security. But, wait was a girl not raped by her building watchmen few months ago?

So, is it that being born a woman is wrong? Am I at fault that I have a vagina and it can be thirsted and pushed open at your will and force? Should I stitch it up and glue it, just to make sure I do not get raped? Or should I always be alert 24 fucking hours and not live my life and walk freely without an escort?

So, as a woman, I have to think how to dress? How to walk? How to talk? Where to and where not to go? Plan my day, so that I get back home, before the rapist it at large?

Is this what a women’s life is in a country or in the world is today? Do I have to feel stupid for being born a woman or should I feel sad that the rapist is born out of a woman and not a fucking man’s vagina?

Tell me I will be safe tomorrow; tell me that if a man even thinks of the word R, he will get jitters thinking of the punishment. Tell me my daughters, sisters, mothers and women are free, just the way they were born. Tell me that I do not have to tell the doctor to stitch up my daughter’s vagina, for the fear of the 6 month old getting molested by a 70 year old.

Promise me and write it on every wall, stone, sand and sky for all I care, that you are free to go wherever you want and no one will rape you.

Because that uncouth is not only raping me, he is raping my mind and my free will.

 I need to have the right to walk, run, get into a bus,plane,auto,axi,home at my own will. No one, no one has the right to steal that from me.

My vagina is not a playground.

 

 

maid in bannerghatta

I changed four maids in the past 20 months. two left on their own will,one got married and the other was not happy with me.

These women have been at home living full time and were a part of my family.What irks me and kills me is out of these four,two of them thought that were doing me a favor.

now,how do you treat a live in maid?(don’t tell me that i am not allowed to address them like that)

V and I treat them like family,there was no difference shown.like not one at home bothered in which plate they ate or where they slept or what they did or how they sat or what they drank.We supported their families,gave money when needed.took care of their health and much more.Now,is it not a right way to treat these women? because there are few common things that they did and that made me think “maybe we are not allowed to be good to them,maybe we should treat them like they just work for us and keep them at an arms or 100 miles distance.”

The maid who quit about yesterday said “you always yell at me when i talk on the phone” i did as she has severe headache and the doctor said she needs to cut down the phone time.she said “you did not allow me to eat food one day” i agree as she was on medication and there was no way i was letting her shove down greasy food.I gave her everything that i would give a young girl in my house. the other day,we went to a friends house and she was sitting on the sofa,just like any other guest and waiting for my friend to serve her.So,i said “it might be ok in our house,but don’t do that in others house as they might not like it”.she said my friend asked her to sit on the sofa and i was glad that she did.But,this girl went on and on about how we rich people(what and how did she think i was rich!!!!!!!) do not treat them well,how we ignore them. (more about the rich,middle,poor gap in the net post)

but,like my friend once mentioned “these people never learn,all they see is not you.But the big house,the good clothes and good food and think,bloody rich people,we are poor because of them and they need to suffer” no matter how much you give them it is not enough.the pay that we give them is not at all cheap and we need to provide,food,clothing,soap,shampoo,brush and much more.Do the  places we work at give us all this? do we tell our boss “you did not let me talk on the phone,so screw you” and walk off.

I felt cheated yesterday,like when your child looks at you and says “fish off mother,i never asked you to do all this for me,why did you do it”.I learnt my lesson after this and never ever shall i treat them like the way i do from now on it will be the old way”you work,you get paid and that is all that you get”

woman and man and then man and woman

in 99.9% of south Indian households,at least the ones that i have seen,man has always been the one to relax.My family was an exception to that rule,we had a stay at home dad and mom was the bread earner and still there were times when that “i need to serve my man first” popped in.

If there was a function at home,the men in my family would serve the ladies or share the burden of work.inf act my mama’s are well known for their kitchen skills and make sure the ladies are well taken care of.but,that would change in their homes.

i am dropped into this world where men sit and do nothing.women are running around the kids and feeding them,playing with them,feeding them and playing with them.men,will be sitting in that living room and drinking scotch and discussing politics or how his company is more profitable then the others.

Is it the mind set that you grow up from childhood? I am not a feminist and nor someone who roots for my clan all the time.but,these things just piss me off.

I have seen women who work all day long,come home then again cook,clean,wash and serve dinner to the man,who comes as the same time as the woman,comes in takes of his shoes,washes himself up,wears a clean mundu,sits on the sofa and reads the paper.the woman mind you has no problem with it and why should i have a problem then?.I do,because,no one told this woman to relax for a long time.so,she is in that box and thinks that not serving him is against the law.

i know so many of them who do everything for the man,even if you are a stay at home mom,you deserve some rest.I am sure you would love to sit in that same sofa for one whole day and get used to being served and do nothing

the men please take time off and give your lady a chance to rest and see what difference it makes!